The power of inquiry

It's amazing how much you can learn-- and acquire-- just by asking.

The other night I'm sitting with Dad after supper; he's talking about his parents and his childhood-- something he's been doing more of as he gets older. I finally ask him something I had been meaning to ask him for awhile: "Where is your father buried?" My grandfather died in 1956, 18 years before I was born.

Dad told me the name of the cemetery and mentioned that my grandmother was buried with him; for some reason-- perhaps because she died in 2001 and I knew her fairly well-- I never thought to ask about her final resting place. I knew it was in the Boston area, but had been out of town when she passed and couldn't go up there for her funeral.

Anyway, the cemetery is kept up and has a website. I emailed them through it and asked where my grandparents' plot was. I added that the reason I was asking was because I wanted send out a photo request for their marker on Find A Grave-- and most photo volunteers will want to have some idea where to look in the cemetery before they'll try to fulfill a request.

I was hoping by mentioning this that whoever read my email would be nice enough to take a photo themselves and send it to me-- and the dear lady who responded to my email did just that. Of course I sent back a nice reply thanking her.

I know where my paternal grandparents are buried because I asked Dad.

I have a location because I asked the cemetery.

And I have a photo because I hinted for one in my email to the cemetery.

I guess the moral of this story is, don't be afraid to ask for stuff. The worst answer you'll get is "no."

Grave encounters

What is it about cemeteries and tombstones that fascinates us? Yes, I said "us", because I know that I'm not the only one who feels this way. There exists an actual bumper sticker that reads, "I brake for cemeteries", so I know I'm not a morbid freak.

During the week following Christmas, I went to visit my mother's marker at the cemetery where she's buried. While there, I also planned to try fulfilling a Find A Grave photo request for a recently departed man we'll call Mr. Q, who was buried in the same cemetery.

I'm used to going to this cemetery to visit Mom, but I just always drive up to where her marker is and then leave when I'm ready. This was the first time I've actually gone looking around a cemetery for the grave of a complete stranger.

Yes, yes, I know: "Why didn't you just go to the office and ask where he is, Karen?"

I'm not sure. I think I thought it would be fun to try to find Mr. Q myself-- a little exploratory adventure of sorts.

There's something very peaceful about a cemetery, usually, but the longer I meandered around, the more uncomfortable I felt. I became aware of how alone I was, and a sense of potential danger made me want to just get the hell out of there. It didn't help that it was chilly and windy, and that I was having to watch my step to avoid twisting my ankle on the uneven ground while trying to scan headstones for Mr. Q's name. Just as I was about to give up and go inquire at the office, I looked up and there it was-- his tombstone.

Mr. Q was originally from Ireland, and the Irish love a good practical joke; I'm convinced that he led me around for forty minutes on purpose before finally guiding me to his final resting place. I took a few pictures with my cell phone (I had forgotten my Canon point-and-shoot), and they came out pretty nice.

But now I understand why some genealogy book authors suggest that you not go "graving" by yourself-- cemeteries are often secluded and can draw weirdos, in addition to the tripping and falling dangers they harbor.

Tombstone Tuesday: William and Mary (SEVERANCE) WINSLOW

William Winslow was born in Kingston, New Hampshire on 20 December 1800, son of John WINSLOW and Mary WEBSTER. He married Mary "Polly" Severance on 26 Feb 1824 in Kingston, and died on 14 February 1860 of "intemperance and exposure", according to his death record.

Mary "Polly" Severance was born to Samuel SEVERANCE and Judith TOWLE 14 Nov 1805 in Kingston, and died 13 Sep 1889. According to her death record, her cause of death was "senile debility."

William and Mary (Severance) Winslow are buried in Plains Cemetery in Kingston.

Photo courtesy of Find A Grave contributor Diane D.

Line: William WINSLOW/Mary SEVERANCE - James W. WINSLOW - Bessie M. WINSLOW - Dorothy Elizabeth PALMER - S. HOWES - Me.