Grave encounters

What is it about cemeteries and tombstones that fascinates us? Yes, I said "us", because I know that I'm not the only one who feels this way. There exists an actual bumper sticker that reads, "I brake for cemeteries", so I know I'm not a morbid freak.

During the week following Christmas, I went to visit my mother's marker at the cemetery where she's buried. While there, I also planned to try fulfilling a Find A Grave photo request for a recently departed man we'll call Mr. Q, who was buried in the same cemetery.

I'm used to going to this cemetery to visit Mom, but I just always drive up to where her marker is and then leave when I'm ready. This was the first time I've actually gone looking around a cemetery for the grave of a complete stranger.

Yes, yes, I know: "Why didn't you just go to the office and ask where he is, Karen?"

I'm not sure. I think I thought it would be fun to try to find Mr. Q myself-- a little exploratory adventure of sorts.

There's something very peaceful about a cemetery, usually, but the longer I meandered around, the more uncomfortable I felt. I became aware of how alone I was, and a sense of potential danger made me want to just get the hell out of there. It didn't help that it was chilly and windy, and that I was having to watch my step to avoid twisting my ankle on the uneven ground while trying to scan headstones for Mr. Q's name. Just as I was about to give up and go inquire at the office, I looked up and there it was-- his tombstone.

Mr. Q was originally from Ireland, and the Irish love a good practical joke; I'm convinced that he led me around for forty minutes on purpose before finally guiding me to his final resting place. I took a few pictures with my cell phone (I had forgotten my Canon point-and-shoot), and they came out pretty nice.

But now I understand why some genealogy book authors suggest that you not go "graving" by yourself-- cemeteries are often secluded and can draw weirdos, in addition to the tripping and falling dangers they harbor.

Grave matters: John and Elizabeth (FRENCH) WINSLOW, 5th great-grandparents

On Find A Grave, I came across the tombstones of 5th great-grandparents John WINSLOW (10 Dec 1729 - 15 May 1816) and Elizabeth FRENCH (d. 30 Oct 1823). They were married on 8 Dec 1763 in Kingston, New Hampshire.

John's parents were Samuel and Huldah (SWETT) WINSLEY. Elizabeth's parentage isn't known for certain, but she was very likely the Elizabeth who was born on 28 March 1742 in Kingston, New Hampshire to Benjamin and Ruth (HUNTON) FRENCH.

I can't read the inscription of John's tombstone; it's too badly weathered (I even emailed the lady who took the photo, but she hadn't been able to read it either, even in person).

Elizabeth's, however, is legible:

"While I be buried in dust,
my flesh shall be thy care
These moulding limbs-- with thee I trust
To raise them strong and fair."

Acts of genealogical kindness

It's easy to be disappointed in people. So often they're selfish, they're inconsiderate, they let you down.

But sometimes you encounter someone who reminds you that there are a lot of good and caring people in the world, who are indeed willing to help-- sometimes going far above and beyond what is asked or expected.

One such lady I encountered on findagrave.com. To protect her privacy, I'll call her Mary.

I had added a memorial on findagrave.com for my maternal grandfather, Henry Howes, and had sent out a photo request.

If you're unfamiliar with findagrave.com, it's a site where you can create memorials for deceased loved ones or ancestors, and ideally give the location of their graves and add pictures of the grave/person/cemetery.

One of the coolest things about this site? Say you know where a particular loved one/relative is buried, and would like a picture of their tombstone, but live away. You can create a memorial page to that person and then send out a photo request. When you do, everyone who lives in proximity to that cemetery who has opted to be a photo volunteer will get a notification about your request. They can then choose to fulfill your request and try to find their grave and take a picture for you.

If there's a problem preventing them from being able to fulfill the request (tombstone can't be found, cemetery condition is too poor, etc), they can notify you of whatever it is.

Mary did not have a plot number to look for, because I didn't. While many photo volunteers won't even bother trying to get a picture for you if you don't provide them with a plot number, she went to the office that was responsible for the cemetery. With admirable persistence, she tracked it down-- got a map and everything.

She ended up sending me pictures of the graves of both my grandfather Henry HOWES, and his father Horace. I wasn't expecting them to be buried in the same plot, so it was a wonderful surprise. They were both buried with their respective second wives, neither of whom I'm descended from.

As if this weren't enough, this dear lady offered to look up records for me on a genealogy research trip she was about to take to Concord, NH, and Boston, MA. She cheerfully told me to make a list! I was interested in finding some fairly recent records that are not available online, so I shyly gave her a list of about three things I want to find.

Mary just returned from Boston, and while there she found my maternal grandparents' marriage record. She emailed me yesterday with all of the info contained therein, so I now know exactly where and when they married. I can send off a form with a check for $28 to the state of MA for a certified copy of the record.

It turns out, also, that you don't need an exact date if you request record copies from Massachusetts-- they offer to search within a time span of up to ten years. It probably will take longer to receive the record in that case, however.

I just want to publicly acknowledge Mary for doing so much for me, someone she doesn't even know. She has no relatives in Florida that I could help her research, so in return I could only offer to look stuff up for her on paid databases that I subscribe to and she doesn't.

Thanks, Mary, not only for your help in finding records about my relatives, but also in reminding me that there is still good and selflessness in the world.